This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
