dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
