she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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