I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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