I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
