did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
