Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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