dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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