I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
