Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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