i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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