Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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