somebody snuck up and got me drunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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