i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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