I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize