Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
