Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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