dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
