How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
