Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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