so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
