I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
