I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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