no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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