I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
