she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
