I just saw a hot homeless man
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
