I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
