my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
