Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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