So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
