perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
