Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
