I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Houston, we have a squirter
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize