she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
