Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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