i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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