Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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