Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Panties = found
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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