I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
two words...techno handjob
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize