we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
