Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
