i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
