Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
