Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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