its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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