guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you never un-have a 4some
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
