Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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