dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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