You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
