Whod you bang
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i drank out of a bidet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
