I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
