i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
