States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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