oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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