I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
one might say we're banned from that church
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
