My friends, they love my intelligence
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
