I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
