No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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