my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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