man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
