I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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