im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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