Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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