Having a random hookup so left but love u
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
