I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
