I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
