What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize