When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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