Soap is not a condiment
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
